Gaining Intimacy

By B. Williams

Imagine this:

Four years ago. In a quiet room, there sits a glossy, stained wooden dining room table. The room is well-lit and inviting. There’s two chairs facing each other. In one chair, sits Jesus.

He sits there awaiting me. Excitingly awaiting me to come, to know him and him to know me. He’s ready to overwhelm me with His character and communion.

I enter the room.

I somewhat eagerly walk towards the table. I am anxious to get to Him, but I have brought a lot with me. Overflowing out of my hands are the piles of garbage I have brought in. It smells. It’s gross to look at. It’s distracting.

I sit at the table and spread out the garbage before Him.

At these communions, I haven’t brought this garbage to surrender at His feet. I’ve brought it in to lay out in front of me. I’m distracted by it. It’s in front of me and has my attention more than He does. In fact, at most of these dinners, I have piled up the trash so high, I can’t even fix my eyes on Him.

This stuff isn’t really bad stuff. It can be turned back into good if I decorate it a little,” I tell myself. “I don’t want Him to have it, I know He will throw it away. I want to keep it, because my life won’t look the same without it.

I don’t enjoy dinner or our conversation, the little that we had, and I blame Him for it.

“But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ, and be found in Him…” Philippians 3:7-9

4 years ago, I hadn’t considered anything in my life as garbage compared to knowing Christ. I wasn’t ready or even willing to lose any of it for the sake of gaining fellowship with Him.

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