Broken

By Jordan Guerra

I transferred from a junior college to a university in June of 2015. That was a huge step of faith for me, and I was completely miserable. I was diagnosed with depression in August 2015. I remember feeling completely lost and lonely. I didn’t like that my plans were not working out. In August I told God, “I’m done making plans for my life. I’m not happy with what I have chosen. God, be in control.”

*WARNING* When you tell God that He is in control, prepare yourself for major changes in your life.

As my first full semester went on as a junior, many things began to change in my life that I had no control over. No matter how uncomfortable I was, I knew it was God’s will; sometimes God’s will can hurt. Everything was tolerable until the end of my first semester of junior year. My parents decided to sell our home of 20 years and I became single after a 2 ½ year relationship.

I ended up going on a mission trip to Hawaii and told God to do whatever it takes to break me and make me into who He needed me to be. And let me tell you, God BROKE me. I had to deal with heartbreak and jealousy while trying to serve. I did my best to focus on serving and nothing else, but God made sure I was where I needed to be to work on jealousy. I woke up early and spent quiet time at the beach where God lead me to read Psalm 13:5-6,

But I have trusted in Your mercy; my heart shall rejoice in Your Salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me.

Now seriously, God has better things to take care of than my little broken heart and jealousy. But I told Him I trusted Him, and He dealt bountifully with me. He loves us so much that when we’re in pain, He’s right there with us. And because of that, we can rejoice that He is our Salvation.

I’m not bitter anymore. I feel like I healed pretty quickly for a break up; I was able to do that because I left everything up to God, including my heart. I’m not 100% sure why I had to work on jealousy right then at the beginning of the year. Maybe I’m meant to be a minister’s wife who cannot have jealousy, or maybe I’ll be in the position to minister to someone dealing with a tough heartbreak this year. I really don’t know, but I know that God has a plan for each of our futures and we have a hope (Jeremiah 29:11). I can’t wait to see what God is going to throw at me next and I pray that each of us gets to the point in our lives where we can’t do anything BUT give it all up to Him.

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